things i've learned

i've learned....
-you can't make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try.
-maybe i don't want to try so hard to make everyone happy because it doesn't make me happy.
-i'm always going to be one of the people who is stressed to the max.
-being an insomniac is just part of my life.
-kids are sometimes the most honest voice we'll hear.
-looking in the mirror is harder some days than others.
-dogs truly are man's best friend.
-a husband who is a good listener is a blessing.
-a healthy, happy child is worth more than anything in this world.
-a good babysitter is hard to come by...and once you get one, you should treat them like the gold they are.
-i do my best thinking in the shower.
-i'm a guilt-ridden human being...sometimes that makes it very hard on my poor brain.
-i'm not someone who can just "let go". i'm a talker and i've got to talk it out, worry it around,
then talk some more.
-kids are very resilient....to a point. even up to that point, they're more resilient than most adults.
-no matter how much i want it to be true, life is just never going to be fair. people play dirty and
the game gets heated.
-knowing you did a great job is better than ever getting the credit for it.
-humbleness is a word we all need to evaluate more closely.
-we're all a little self-centered

running away with my heart

i took this of drew over the weekend. it had rained really hard, then the sun came out and it was so warm and sunny. normally i hate it when the weather does that....if it's going to rain, i want the whole day to be rainy and lazy. however, this was our last real day of spring break so i was happy to get outside. drew loved the water running down the driveway so we rolled up his jeans and he played and splashed for over an hour. this is one of those pictures i will always treasure....

absence makes the heart grow fonder

i haven't posted anything in a year. i had again forgotten my username and password to login. i forgot how much i loved keeping a blog. when i found my blog tonight and reread some of my posts from last year, i was sad because i have let a year go by without blogging. i think i've realized how important it is for me as therapy to write, as well as keeping a log to show drew when he grows up. not that he'll want to read any of it. my papaw has always kept little notebooks with things he jots down and thoughts he has...i'll admit, i've snuck and read them a few times. i did feel bad after because i felt like i'd invaded some private sector...i'm a little more open than that, maybe because of the generation gaps and the way society tends to air ALL their dirty laundry these days. i have been so wrapped up in working on national boards this year i've had very little time for anything else. until you do it yourself, you have no idea the time, stress and worry it entails. i've kind of blocked it from my mind at this point though since i turned the portfolio in...now i just have to wait to test in june. on a lighter note, we are going on our first vacation in over five years this summer. i don't know if i'm more excited because we are going or because i know all the fun drew will have. can't wait! i've learned a lot this year and some of the lessons haven't been ones i was expecting. i'm sure some of those things will come out in future posts...some you may or may not want to read, lol. i think need some form of therapy to get all the things in my head out or else i'm going to again find myself in a place that i don't want to be. though many of the lessons i've learned this past year have been hard and heartbreaking, i've also learned ones that have been uplifting and encouraging. i think i've griped a lot in the past year, and though i'll attribute some of that to the hollon genes, a lot of it has been habit and choice. it's much easier to b*tch about things than to let them go for me and i'm getting to a point where i'm really fed up with that part of myself. i've always been a worrywart and when i worry, i take it out on others....that's not fair and i don't want to be that person. (i will qualify that with the fact that i also believe you need to speak your mind sometimes....sometimes opinions stink, but they also need to be stated for our own sense of right or wrong.) "who never doubted, never half believed. where doubt is, there truth is -- it is her shadow." --ambrose bierce

marathon update

well, so far i have been pretty pitiful at updating after long runs....i know, i know.
last week was supposed to be my 20 mile run -- my longest long run. unfortunately the weather wasn't cooperating and i was being a big wuss, so it was scratched. since we were on spring break, bobbi and i decided to meet and run tuesday. our plan was again to run 20, but we only made it to 10. between the heat, my mental bonk and the pain in my chest, i wussed out again.
so, yesterday we met to run -- and several of the girls that ran with us last summer were there, yay liz and renee! -- and i had no expectations. i figured i had tried twice and had major holes in my mental game, so i went in with no set distance. before we started i had decided i would do 14 at least and if i felt okay, i'd keep going as long as i could. turns out, third time is a charm!

i was very down after the second failed attempt...i know it seems funny to most people that i would be very disappointed with a 10 mile run, but i was....very. i thought about it and mulled over it all week. yesterday when we started out, i decided to go slow, steady and really run it like it was the marathon. for ten miles i was good, then i got a horrible blister and had to pause to bandage it up. unfortunately, that bandage didn't work so i tried again. after that second try, i just figured it was going to hurt either way, and plodded on like the 90 year old shuffler i look like -- and sometimes feel like -- when running.

i've concluded running a marathon is very much like getting pregnant and having a baby. there's a lot of training just like the nine months of carrying. if you had a smooth pregnancy, disregard this simile. i say that because neither has been easy in my experience. think back to all the morning sickness (22 weeks worth!), the uncomfortable body, the ravenous appetite, the sleepless nights....that's what training is like. now, those long, long runs and the marathon itself, i think that will be like labor, without the drugs. that feeling when everything really hurts, but you know eventually it will be over....the people giving you encouragement that you love and need, but is a distraction from your focus at times. then, the finish line, the time when you achieve the goal you set out for in the first place...even though you hurt, you're tired, you ache all over, you know you're going to have yet another sleepless, painful night, but you are still so happy and proud that you've achieved something you thought was unattainable....

i don't know if i'll look back on the marathon experience and say i want to do it again, but i wasn't sure i would say that after pregnancy and labor/delivery either. maybe i will...i would certainly experience and train for another beautiful baby, so who knows, maybe i'll feel the same about another marathon later.

after the 20 mile run i actually feel pretty good. i'm not too sore and i actually had a good run, it was the perfect day. i can only hope God will grant us a beautiful day and a strong, healthy body the day of the race. i hope he can help me with the mental fortitude once again and i am able to make it the additional 6.2 miles. i hope i don't bonk too hard, or run too slow. and i hope i enjoy the experience as much as i want to....

two weeks until lexington's first half!

two weeks from today several of us will be running in lexington's first half marathon. i got a message friday there has been a cap put on the entries because there have been so many registrants, hooray! hopefully the weather will be nice and a few of our first timers will have a great 13.1 miles. i'm hoping for a better half than my experience in nashville last year with all the heat we experienced!

today jeanne, bobbi, april, allyson and i met to run our long run of 12. we dropped back down after last week's 16 miler so we could get a little rest in before the big 18 mile run next weekend. i've had some issues with my nose this weekend, not sure if it's because the weather has changed or what. the first 4 miles today were not fun. i think we're all feeling some discomfort, as is expected. jeanne is still having knee problems and bobbi is still battling pain in her hip....we just keep trying to push through. i think we all know something is always going to be hurting. ;)

on a sad note, our friend ragan got the news her sister passed away last night or early this morning today. (i'm not sure exactly when she found out.) her sister suffered from muscular dystrophy and was going to be turning 30 in the next few weeks. they had a huge party planned in gatlinburg for the weekend we are doing the half in lexington to celebrate. ragan has told us many times most of her sister's friends were no longer alive because of their disease. they are very lucky to make it to 30, so the celebration was going to be a big milestone. we're all praying for ragan and her family.

epic fail

so, the failure on my part is that i had planned on blogging after all my long runs....so far, it's only happened once. :( we are now into week 11 of a 16 week training schedule. it was supposed to be an 18 week schedule but we got started a little late and had to cut two of the shorter recovery runs out.
i've been so busy with school, work, drew and running that i've barely had time to sleep. after our 16 mile run this past weekend, i finally crashed and burned with the whole sleep thing. the runs have been fairly good, with the exception of my 9 mile long run at the beginning of training. on that run, i was muy el sick-o, as skippyjon jones would say....
other than running and school work, drew has become a man of many words. for those that didn't already know, he broke my nose a little over a week ago. horseplay and a two-year-old don't work well for mommy. :) no surgery in the future, hopefully the ol' schnoz will stay in working order so i don't have to think of that in the future. now i'm just waiting for the tenderness and throbbing to pass.
i'll include new pictures in my next post, running out of time now....no pun intended. :)

back in black

it's been so long since i blogged, i couldn't even remember my password! i figured things are going to get busy again soon so i might as well throw one more log on the fire.

sarah will be having baby asher soon and i can't wait to meet him. she looks absolutely adorable with her baby bump, i can't stand it! sarah and stad are going to be such good parents....and copper will be a fantastic older brother. :)

i am taking two classes this semester and one + my practicum in the summer, then i'll be finished with my masters....thank goodness! it's been a long road with a semester of bedrest, a new baby and taking two years off after undergrad. i'm so ready to have it finished, it's like a monkey on my back right now.

in addition to two classes and my baby boy, i've also decided to train for a marathon. yesterday was my first long run. jeanne is still a little on the fence about doing it, i think, but in the end, i think she will. she's done two mini's already and i've done one in record temps....we'll be doing another mini in march in lexington....hopefully she will pull through and be willing to help me. :) honestly, i can't imagine crossing the finish line on my own, and i don't want to. it's not nearly as much fun when you don't have someone there to share it with who knows exactly what you just put yourself through. i don't just mean on race day, i mean all the days after work when it's cold and you don't want to go out. or all the saturdays you spend hours running, preparing your body. or all the aches, pains, strains, sprains, bruises, unmentionable medical issues, etc. i cannot imagine doing all that alone.

i did register and reserve my hotel room so i suppose i'm in regardless. i want to do this very much. it has been a dream for a long time and i don't think i've ever believed in myself until now....i was determined that i could not complete a full marathon, but i think it's true that where there's a will, there's a way. i'm praying now for good health and no injuries. thank goodness i also have a great husband that is willing to keep drew on saturdays while i long run, and a wonderful babysitter that keeps drew so i can run right after school. it takes a village!

drew turned two in november and though i love to see him growing up and changing, i'm also always sad that he's getting big. mommy is another thing i wasn't really sure i could do; now i'm certain it is something i couldn't live without being. i want to make drew proud of me and for some reason, i feel as though showing him perserverance, endurance and dedication will help out in that area.

i've already told myself if (when!) i complete my first full marathon, i'll get another tattoo...i already have it picked out, so i'm dead set on doing this thing. i'll try to post after long runs to make myself keep this updated....i know i'll be happy i did when it's all over.

***********************************************************
first long run: 6.6 miles (whoops, jeanne, i miscalculated and we did a little more than scheduled)

weather: 19 degrees, wind chill of 12 degrees.....cold as crap!

the sidewalks were mostly still snowy so we had to run on the road and hope all the drivers saw us. jeanne and i ran 3.3 miles and then jennifer and marie met us and ran the rest of the way back. it helped a lot to have a fresh pair of legs to keep us going at that halfway point. in my mind i kept thinking, today we are completing a 1/4 marathon.

"you have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. over the years, i've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. it comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement."
-steve prefontaine