things i've learned

i've learned....
-you can't make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try.
-maybe i don't want to try so hard to make everyone happy because it doesn't make me happy.
-i'm always going to be one of the people who is stressed to the max.
-being an insomniac is just part of my life.
-kids are sometimes the most honest voice we'll hear.
-looking in the mirror is harder some days than others.
-dogs truly are man's best friend.
-a husband who is a good listener is a blessing.
-a healthy, happy child is worth more than anything in this world.
-a good babysitter is hard to come by...and once you get one, you should treat them like the gold they are.
-i do my best thinking in the shower.
-i'm a guilt-ridden human being...sometimes that makes it very hard on my poor brain.
-i'm not someone who can just "let go". i'm a talker and i've got to talk it out, worry it around,
then talk some more.
-kids are very resilient....to a point. even up to that point, they're more resilient than most adults.
-no matter how much i want it to be true, life is just never going to be fair. people play dirty and
the game gets heated.
-knowing you did a great job is better than ever getting the credit for it.
-humbleness is a word we all need to evaluate more closely.
-we're all a little self-centered

running away with my heart

i took this of drew over the weekend. it had rained really hard, then the sun came out and it was so warm and sunny. normally i hate it when the weather does that....if it's going to rain, i want the whole day to be rainy and lazy. however, this was our last real day of spring break so i was happy to get outside. drew loved the water running down the driveway so we rolled up his jeans and he played and splashed for over an hour. this is one of those pictures i will always treasure....

absence makes the heart grow fonder

i haven't posted anything in a year. i had again forgotten my username and password to login. i forgot how much i loved keeping a blog. when i found my blog tonight and reread some of my posts from last year, i was sad because i have let a year go by without blogging. i think i've realized how important it is for me as therapy to write, as well as keeping a log to show drew when he grows up. not that he'll want to read any of it. my papaw has always kept little notebooks with things he jots down and thoughts he has...i'll admit, i've snuck and read them a few times. i did feel bad after because i felt like i'd invaded some private sector...i'm a little more open than that, maybe because of the generation gaps and the way society tends to air ALL their dirty laundry these days. i have been so wrapped up in working on national boards this year i've had very little time for anything else. until you do it yourself, you have no idea the time, stress and worry it entails. i've kind of blocked it from my mind at this point though since i turned the portfolio in...now i just have to wait to test in june. on a lighter note, we are going on our first vacation in over five years this summer. i don't know if i'm more excited because we are going or because i know all the fun drew will have. can't wait! i've learned a lot this year and some of the lessons haven't been ones i was expecting. i'm sure some of those things will come out in future posts...some you may or may not want to read, lol. i think need some form of therapy to get all the things in my head out or else i'm going to again find myself in a place that i don't want to be. though many of the lessons i've learned this past year have been hard and heartbreaking, i've also learned ones that have been uplifting and encouraging. i think i've griped a lot in the past year, and though i'll attribute some of that to the hollon genes, a lot of it has been habit and choice. it's much easier to b*tch about things than to let them go for me and i'm getting to a point where i'm really fed up with that part of myself. i've always been a worrywart and when i worry, i take it out on others....that's not fair and i don't want to be that person. (i will qualify that with the fact that i also believe you need to speak your mind sometimes....sometimes opinions stink, but they also need to be stated for our own sense of right or wrong.) "who never doubted, never half believed. where doubt is, there truth is -- it is her shadow." --ambrose bierce

marathon update

well, so far i have been pretty pitiful at updating after long runs....i know, i know.
last week was supposed to be my 20 mile run -- my longest long run. unfortunately the weather wasn't cooperating and i was being a big wuss, so it was scratched. since we were on spring break, bobbi and i decided to meet and run tuesday. our plan was again to run 20, but we only made it to 10. between the heat, my mental bonk and the pain in my chest, i wussed out again.
so, yesterday we met to run -- and several of the girls that ran with us last summer were there, yay liz and renee! -- and i had no expectations. i figured i had tried twice and had major holes in my mental game, so i went in with no set distance. before we started i had decided i would do 14 at least and if i felt okay, i'd keep going as long as i could. turns out, third time is a charm!

i was very down after the second failed attempt...i know it seems funny to most people that i would be very disappointed with a 10 mile run, but i was....very. i thought about it and mulled over it all week. yesterday when we started out, i decided to go slow, steady and really run it like it was the marathon. for ten miles i was good, then i got a horrible blister and had to pause to bandage it up. unfortunately, that bandage didn't work so i tried again. after that second try, i just figured it was going to hurt either way, and plodded on like the 90 year old shuffler i look like -- and sometimes feel like -- when running.

i've concluded running a marathon is very much like getting pregnant and having a baby. there's a lot of training just like the nine months of carrying. if you had a smooth pregnancy, disregard this simile. i say that because neither has been easy in my experience. think back to all the morning sickness (22 weeks worth!), the uncomfortable body, the ravenous appetite, the sleepless nights....that's what training is like. now, those long, long runs and the marathon itself, i think that will be like labor, without the drugs. that feeling when everything really hurts, but you know eventually it will be over....the people giving you encouragement that you love and need, but is a distraction from your focus at times. then, the finish line, the time when you achieve the goal you set out for in the first place...even though you hurt, you're tired, you ache all over, you know you're going to have yet another sleepless, painful night, but you are still so happy and proud that you've achieved something you thought was unattainable....

i don't know if i'll look back on the marathon experience and say i want to do it again, but i wasn't sure i would say that after pregnancy and labor/delivery either. maybe i will...i would certainly experience and train for another beautiful baby, so who knows, maybe i'll feel the same about another marathon later.

after the 20 mile run i actually feel pretty good. i'm not too sore and i actually had a good run, it was the perfect day. i can only hope God will grant us a beautiful day and a strong, healthy body the day of the race. i hope he can help me with the mental fortitude once again and i am able to make it the additional 6.2 miles. i hope i don't bonk too hard, or run too slow. and i hope i enjoy the experience as much as i want to....

two weeks until lexington's first half!

two weeks from today several of us will be running in lexington's first half marathon. i got a message friday there has been a cap put on the entries because there have been so many registrants, hooray! hopefully the weather will be nice and a few of our first timers will have a great 13.1 miles. i'm hoping for a better half than my experience in nashville last year with all the heat we experienced!

today jeanne, bobbi, april, allyson and i met to run our long run of 12. we dropped back down after last week's 16 miler so we could get a little rest in before the big 18 mile run next weekend. i've had some issues with my nose this weekend, not sure if it's because the weather has changed or what. the first 4 miles today were not fun. i think we're all feeling some discomfort, as is expected. jeanne is still having knee problems and bobbi is still battling pain in her hip....we just keep trying to push through. i think we all know something is always going to be hurting. ;)

on a sad note, our friend ragan got the news her sister passed away last night or early this morning today. (i'm not sure exactly when she found out.) her sister suffered from muscular dystrophy and was going to be turning 30 in the next few weeks. they had a huge party planned in gatlinburg for the weekend we are doing the half in lexington to celebrate. ragan has told us many times most of her sister's friends were no longer alive because of their disease. they are very lucky to make it to 30, so the celebration was going to be a big milestone. we're all praying for ragan and her family.

epic fail

so, the failure on my part is that i had planned on blogging after all my long runs....so far, it's only happened once. :( we are now into week 11 of a 16 week training schedule. it was supposed to be an 18 week schedule but we got started a little late and had to cut two of the shorter recovery runs out.
i've been so busy with school, work, drew and running that i've barely had time to sleep. after our 16 mile run this past weekend, i finally crashed and burned with the whole sleep thing. the runs have been fairly good, with the exception of my 9 mile long run at the beginning of training. on that run, i was muy el sick-o, as skippyjon jones would say....
other than running and school work, drew has become a man of many words. for those that didn't already know, he broke my nose a little over a week ago. horseplay and a two-year-old don't work well for mommy. :) no surgery in the future, hopefully the ol' schnoz will stay in working order so i don't have to think of that in the future. now i'm just waiting for the tenderness and throbbing to pass.
i'll include new pictures in my next post, running out of time now....no pun intended. :)

back in black

it's been so long since i blogged, i couldn't even remember my password! i figured things are going to get busy again soon so i might as well throw one more log on the fire.

sarah will be having baby asher soon and i can't wait to meet him. she looks absolutely adorable with her baby bump, i can't stand it! sarah and stad are going to be such good parents....and copper will be a fantastic older brother. :)

i am taking two classes this semester and one + my practicum in the summer, then i'll be finished with my masters....thank goodness! it's been a long road with a semester of bedrest, a new baby and taking two years off after undergrad. i'm so ready to have it finished, it's like a monkey on my back right now.

in addition to two classes and my baby boy, i've also decided to train for a marathon. yesterday was my first long run. jeanne is still a little on the fence about doing it, i think, but in the end, i think she will. she's done two mini's already and i've done one in record temps....we'll be doing another mini in march in lexington....hopefully she will pull through and be willing to help me. :) honestly, i can't imagine crossing the finish line on my own, and i don't want to. it's not nearly as much fun when you don't have someone there to share it with who knows exactly what you just put yourself through. i don't just mean on race day, i mean all the days after work when it's cold and you don't want to go out. or all the saturdays you spend hours running, preparing your body. or all the aches, pains, strains, sprains, bruises, unmentionable medical issues, etc. i cannot imagine doing all that alone.

i did register and reserve my hotel room so i suppose i'm in regardless. i want to do this very much. it has been a dream for a long time and i don't think i've ever believed in myself until now....i was determined that i could not complete a full marathon, but i think it's true that where there's a will, there's a way. i'm praying now for good health and no injuries. thank goodness i also have a great husband that is willing to keep drew on saturdays while i long run, and a wonderful babysitter that keeps drew so i can run right after school. it takes a village!

drew turned two in november and though i love to see him growing up and changing, i'm also always sad that he's getting big. mommy is another thing i wasn't really sure i could do; now i'm certain it is something i couldn't live without being. i want to make drew proud of me and for some reason, i feel as though showing him perserverance, endurance and dedication will help out in that area.

i've already told myself if (when!) i complete my first full marathon, i'll get another tattoo...i already have it picked out, so i'm dead set on doing this thing. i'll try to post after long runs to make myself keep this updated....i know i'll be happy i did when it's all over.

***********************************************************
first long run: 6.6 miles (whoops, jeanne, i miscalculated and we did a little more than scheduled)

weather: 19 degrees, wind chill of 12 degrees.....cold as crap!

the sidewalks were mostly still snowy so we had to run on the road and hope all the drivers saw us. jeanne and i ran 3.3 miles and then jennifer and marie met us and ran the rest of the way back. it helped a lot to have a fresh pair of legs to keep us going at that halfway point. in my mind i kept thinking, today we are completing a 1/4 marathon.

"you have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. over the years, i've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. it comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement."
-steve prefontaine

hunh

i am almost 29 years old, and while i was cleaning the kitchen just now i realized something so silly. (my age comes in as a factor because i've gone so long saying this that i cannot believe it didn't hit me until now.)
you know how people say, "well, h-e-double hockey sticks"? for some reason, it just hit me that they really meant hockey sticks, like the ones you play the sport with. h-e-L-L! why did i not notice this before??? i think it's one of those things you get stuck in your head as a kid and just never really notice you're wrong....kind of like singing the wrong song lyrics. i always thought the "hockey sticks" were like horse "hockey"....as in stacking up horse hockey to make the letter L.

maybe because when someone in my family said it they also used the phrase horse hockey instead of saying sh*t. i think they were trying to get around saying the bad word in front of us and in the process they completely screwed over my thinking and interpretation. you also have to keep in my i am the same girl who assigns gender to letters, numbers and colors. i had no idea that wasn't something everyone did until tim and i got married and had that conversation one day.....good thing he'd already married me!

fall

though summer is my favorite season, fall and spring come in at a close second. i really love fall, it's just that winter comes after and that i am not so fond of....
fall makes me think of all the things i love. having a baby makes many of those things even better. now that drew is almost 2, he's so fun and entertaining. here are some of the things he says and does that i absolutely love:

• hand mommy, hand. -- when he wants to hold hands.
  
• hold you! --when he wants to be held or picked up.
  
• what's that? --imagine that 500 times a day. :)
  
• wiz and wolly -- that would be liz and molly. i think liz is one of his favorite people.
  
• cole and map -- nicole and matt, two of his other favorite people
  
• shew, messy! -- after he threw up in his car seat on the way to school this week....and i had bus duty.
  
• cancake -- pancake: he ate two at cracker barrel this morning!
  
• truck
  
• cossee -- coffee
  
• whoa, baby!
  
• oops daisy
  
• his dancing -- he will only dance to single ladies. don't even think about trying a different song.
  
• have it
  
• kink-kuo -- thank you
  
• peese -- please

there are so many more, i can't list them all.

some of the ones i'm not too wild about, but are still cute....sometimes:

• why? -- imagine this one with his hands turned out to the sides....oh, boy.
  
• fork -- he yelled that at cracker barrel this morning and it did NOT sound like fork. it sounded like the mother of all words.....
  
• the whiny "mommy" -- it doesn't bother me at first, but after 4,000 times in an hour, it can start to wear you down. i still love that he can say it, no matter how many times, i have to think about that instead of getting irritated. :)
  
• dammit -- and old standby
  
• hush!


• daddy worrrrrk

he has new boots for the fall and he's absolutely crazy about them. he's into all things boy including dirt bikes, motorcycles, tractors and big trucks. here's a picture of drew and daddy watching tractor trailer rigs drag racing....

hossy toss

we went home yesterday to check on mam and pap and see mom and dad. drew loves seeing the horses when we go home and was calling for them before we even got out of the truck. once we went in, mom brought up one of kate's old rocking horses that we named "hossy toss". i can remember riding it when i was little and i actually thought it was mine. drew loves it and has been riding it constantly while singing something about a horsey.

he had a wonderful week with nicole and the kids and i'm so thankful. it's been harder on me this year leaving him....when he goes into nicole's in the morning, he goes to her, turns to me and says "bye-bye". ugh! i love that he loves her, but man that stings....:o) i am taking nicole's little girl, kayleigh, to school with me in the mornings and she is a sweetheart. she's in kindergarten this year and is so sweet and polite. an added bonus: she sings to me all the way to school!

i also got a class pet this week. it's a dwarf hamster one of my students from last year had. i'm afraid he misses her a little so i hope he comes to visit a few days a week after school. my class named her "bacon". really. i have no idea why but i thought it was hilarious. i'm terrified of rodents so this is a huge step for me. the funny thing is, i actually like her.

tomorrow we'll be back to the grind....work, then running. i'm ready to get another week started and finished. :o)

corn on the cob we picked yesterday with mam and pap....mmmm!

he decided daddy's belly would be a good place to ride hossy toss. :o)

end of a vacation

school officially starts tomorrow. i've been cleaning like a mad woman the last two days trying to get everything spiffy before i have no time to do it. i know as soon as i get all the laundry done another load will be waiting for me, but it's so nice to have that 5 minutes when the basket is completely empty. :)

yesterday drew and i went to see mamaw...mine and his. my mamaw (drew's "big" mamaw) has finished 13 treatments and is now dealing with side effects. she was sick all night friday and can't eat because of the blisters in her throat. of course not being able to eat makes her sick to her stomach so she's just doing the best she can. i know she's incredibly tired, but she just keeps going, smiling and laughing as usual.

today drew and i played hide-n-seek...sort of. i hid, he came running calling "mommmmmy". waylon joined in and everywhere i went to hide, he sat right in front of me making me a target. when drew would find me he would do his twisty-tail run and fly back to the couch and wait for me to come tickle him. that game went on for a while, even with waylon ratting me out everytime.

tomorrow is a new day, a new week and the end of our vacation. aside from mamaw being sick, this has been one of the best summers i have had in a long time. drew was so much fun, i got to run nearly everyday, drew loved being pushed in the stroller when we ran and i read tons of books. now it's back to work, back to masters classes, back to cold weather. for now i've got to run, drew's decided he's going to clean out his closet and has half the stuff in the hall....life with a toddler--i don't think it could get much better. :o)

two gifts

so far this has been a wonderful week. two of my best friends have had momentous occassions and have been so blessed. first, my friend sarah had a birthday monday....oddly enough she gave me a wonderful gift by letting me know she and her husband, stad, are expecting! i cannot tell you how excited i was to hear the news. :o) the baby is due in february. they are going to make wonderful parents. andy and cindy won't be too shabby at being grandparents either.

the second gift of the week was delivered yesterday. ashlyn cynthia hatterick made her debut weighing in at a whopping 5 lbs 12 oz. tim and i are so thrilled for angie and joe brett. i can't wait to hear all the baby stories over the next few years. ashlyn is definitely a lucky little girl.



mamaw started radiation yesterday. it was the first of 25 scheduled treatments. she will do 20 treatments, then they will assess her progress to see if she will need more or less than the original 25. hopefully less, but we know it's going to be a hard road for her, especially having to travel everyday. pray that she has strength and energy over the coming weeks.



milestones and antics of drew as of late:

• he now weighs almost 27 pounds....doesn't sound like much until you lug him around.


• he doesn't use the potty yet, but he loves to pretend he does and tell me he has to go poop...especially when we are in the car. he knows it's a ticket out of his seat so he grabs his behind and says, "poop mommy! potty!" today he made me take his diaper off so he could sit on the potty for 15 minutes....


• he also wants to take a bath 10 times a day. i think he equates it to the pool and playing in water so he cries everytime he walks by the bathroom and tells me he wants a bath.


• he knows a lot of words now. it's crazy how quick he picks them up. his favorite phrase is still "what's that?" and his favorite word is now damnit, (or as he says, "nannit!"). he learned it from his mamaw. :o)


• he's been swimming in the pool with floaties on and doesn't want anyone to touch him. he's a little like his mommy in that he wants to do everything himself.
  
• he is obsessed with bug, (that would be hayley), cycles, dogs, tractors, cows and food. no particular food, just all food in general. (again, like his mommy.)

• 

  see the potty?
  

he sat with her for almost an hour that night....amazing considering he is NEVER still.

"swimming, swimming in a swimming pool...when days are hot, when days are cold, in a swimming pool!"

random list

i thought i should blog about a few things, so i have them to remember later on....if i get started on one however, i will go off on some long explanation and never finish. so, i'm just going to make a list.

• drew is 20 months old now and i am having a really hard time dealing with him becoming a big boy.
• potty training is going to be a nightmare.
• we bribe our child with cotton balls to get him to brush his teeth. i have no idea why he likes them. he doesn't call them cotton balls though, he calls them an "easy". i guess because i always rub them on his face and say eeeeasy as i do it.
• tim is a perfectionist. i love that about him, but sometimes it takes a long time to get something done. our new patio looks very nice though. :o)
• our 4th anniversary is tomorrow.
• my mamaw is a tough old bird. she starts her radiation next week. she will complete 25 rounds in 5 weeks.
• mamaw has had breast cancer, hodgkin's disease and non-hodgkin's lymphoma all in less than 4 years.
• my sister-in-law rue just got a job teaching technology at a school in denver. i'm so happy she and josh are able to be together now!
• drew has funny names for my sisters and tim's brother. he calls kate "cake", hayley is "bug" and rob is "obbie".
• drew's favorite phrase right now is "what's that?" he asks that question about 500 times a day.
• i've run nearly 110 miles since school let out for the summer.
• i really want to do a full marathon next spring.
• i just realized my last three meals have been cheeseburgers and fries. 2 from mcdonald's and one from the burger barn. ("the burger barn, gilbert!" -- i have to say it everytime...have you seen what's eating gilbert grape? if not, nevermind that quote.)
• i think i am an insomniac. really.
• we may take drew for his first trip to the aquarium tomorrow....pray for us.
• i can't wait for the midsummer night's run!

Realizations

1. I've Come To Realize That My Boobs...HAVE BEEN EVERY SIZE, FROM A TO DD.
2. I've Come To Realize That When I Talk..I USUALLY DON'T FILTER MUCH.
3. I've Come To Realize That When I'm Driving...I'M SUSUALLY POINTING OUT THINGS TO DREW OR ANSWERING "WHAT'S THAT?"
4. I've Come To Realize That I Need....MY FAMILY, FRIENDS AND RUNNING TO GET ME THROUGH MOST DAYS.
5. I've Come To Realize That I Have Lost...THE NAIVENESS THAT COMES WITH BEING A KID
6. I've Come To Realize That I Hate It When...I GET THAT NERVOUS FEELING IN MY BELLY.
7. I've Come To Realize That If I'm Drunk...I'LL REGRET IT
8. I've Come To Realize That Money...IS PAPER THAT PEOPLE SLOBBER OVER LIKE FOOLS
9. I've Come To Realize That People...WILL ALMOST ALWAYS DISAPPOINT YOU IF YOU LET THEM
10. I've Come To Realize That I Will Always Be...A WORRY-WART
11. I've Come To Realize That I Have A Crush On...TIMMY JIMMY
12. I've Come To Realize That My Mom...HOLDS HER TONGUE ABOUT A LOT
13. I've Come To Realize That My Cell Phone Is...A TEXTING MACHINE
14. I've Come To Realize That When I Woke Up This Morning...I WAS BLESSED WITH ANOTHER DAY AND I REALLY HAVE NOTHING TO GRIPE ABOUT.
15. Last Night Before I Went To Sleep I Had Come To Realize...I AVOID A LOT OF THINGS UNTIL THEY MAKE ME SICK.
16. I've Come To Realize That Right Now I Am Thinking About...MAMAW
17. I've Come To Realize That My Dad...IS ANAL :)
18. I've Come To Realize That Today...IS GORGEOUS, SUNNY AND I GET TO BE HOME WITH MY BOY
19. I've Come To Realize That Tonight..I'LL PRAY A LITTLE HARDER.
20. I've Come To Realize That Tomorrow I Will...WORRY.
21. I've Come To Realize That I Really Want To....CONTROL MY FEARS, RUN A MARATHON, SOMEDAY HAVE A DOG RESCUE, BE STRONG AND MOST OF ALL, BE A GOOD MOMMY.

bluegrass 10,000

i met tyler & marie this morning (along with aaron--who works with jenn-- and his wife, sarah) to head to lexington for the bluegrass 10,000. we met around 6:25 but didn't get going until about a quarter till 7. the race started at 7:30. with traffic, streets being closed off, mine and marie's pit stop in the civic center, (cause you know i don't do porta-potties), and us heading to what we thought was the starting line, we ended up late. most of you know, i do NOT like to be late....i think because the neiderman's were always late, it drove me crazy growing up because i couldn't do anything about it. anyway, i was actually calm, cool and collected and thought it was funny that we went to the finish line instead of the starting line, ha! we ended up having to run about half a mile (after walking a mile from the car) to the starting line as they were taking the gates down.....officials were yelling at us to hurry up. our time wouldn't start until our d-chip timing device crossed the electronic line so we had to run all the way up there to get started.

marie and i realized we actually made out well....we didn't have to stand and wait forever with all those people, (crowds, yuck!). plus, we didn't have to run around anyone for the first half mile. it was such a great run, beautiful weather and scenery and just an all-around good vibe. i really liked this race, it's probably been one of my favorites i've ever run. we were a little slow the first 3 miles but on the last 3 i could definitely tell a difference in my stamina from pushing the stroller everyday. i felt like i could have done the whole course again. i need to make sure i keep training with the stroller so i don't lose the stamina i've built up. even more than when we were training for the half with long runs, i felt really good when we finished.

last year's 10k. thank goodness it didn't rain this year!

we went to panera for the routine after-race coffee (and braided pecan roll for me!)...mmmmm, good coffee. as usual the conversation was random, hilarious and enlightening. thanks to my wonderful husband for staying home with drew and letting him sleep in, and for getting him to say "hi, mommy. love you." when i called after the race. so, so sweet. :)



we went home this afternoon to see the fam and go to a cookout at my uncle tom's new house. it was gorgeous, i love it. it was pap's birthday so we went over there, too. mam and i took a quick ride on the 4-wheeler up to the neighbor's to see her new puppy. (angie, you would have died had you seen it! i thought about putting him in my pocket and bringing him home with me!) mam dissed me on the ride back in favor of walking....this coming right after she told me she was a little tired. that woman never ceases to amaze me. she looked great today and her incision is looking better each day. she goes back to the doctor on the 8th so please say a prayer for good news on treatment options. i am really hoping for no chemo this time, it makes her so sick.



after drew said "bye-bye" to every individual person at uncle tom's (some people multiple times), we made it home....now if the poor boy would give it up and go to sleep we'd all be a little better off. no nap = cranky boy. :)

jeanne and i were talking today about how some people don't understand that running is hard work. sometimes it feels easy, sometimes it really doesn't. everytime you go out, you have to make a choice as to what you want that run to be. do you want it to be a miserable, whiny experience that you don't enjoy? or do you want it to be an experience that makes you push hard, grin and bear it?

i've been pushing drew in the stroller this summer while we run. at first, i didn't think i'd make it two miles with him. i'd just finished a half-marathon and i didn't think i could even make it two miles. i made it three on the first try and i was proud of myself. now, some days i get a little help from my friends, some days i'm stubborn and want to see just how far i can push myself before i get sick....it's a weird thing that us runner's do to ourselves.....we see just how far we can go before giving up. i did four miles pushing drew on wednesday at 5:30 in the evening. it was 90 degrees according to marie's car when we started. yes, my quads felt like they were on fire. yes, my calves hurt like a mother and yes, i almost threw up for the first time in a long time. but i didn't throw up and i certainly didn't quit. running is much more a mental exercise than physical. i don't think many people understand that until they actually run. i've met some of the best friends i've ever had while running and more than anything, i think they're why i can keep doing it. we talk, we question, we gripe but most of all, we enjoy.

this post is about running, but it's also about the experiences we have in life and the choices we make. some people have very difficult things they face in their lives.....and often times people who can handle difficult things have them handed to them with more frequency than others. mamaw is once again facing a battle with lymphoma and it just makes me think of all the times i want to wimp out and not run. i know it's not on the same scale by any means, but it's all i have to compare.....if i had her mental fortitude, her strength and bravery, i'd probably be blowing records off the charts in my running endeavors.

the irony of my running and my relationship of that running to mamaw, is though i always feel like i'm running for her, she hates that i run. :)

"It hurts up to a point and then it doesn't get any worse." - Ann Trason

Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?--Peter Maher

a lady named gigi

drew and i just got back from the grocery....this morning's trip was a little different from most. for one, he sat nicely in the buggy the whole time and i was actually able to think. i also remembered to actually take my list in the store with me, that doesn't happen much.

as we were getting ready to check out, i was looking at books and i notice drew smiling and looking over my shoulder. when i turned around, an older lady was standing a few feet away giving drew a thumbs up. she started talking to him and they jabbered back and forth for a few minutes. the next thing i know, this lady is handing drew money telling him to go buy himself something. i tried to give it back to her but she was having none of it. she was only interested in drew and the big smile he gave her when she handed him the money. she told him her name was gigi and asked what his name was. evidently gigi has been choosing kids over the years that she thinks are acting nicely, and she gives them a dollar. for years and years she's done this. she told me a woman walked up to her a few years ago and asked if her name was gigi. when she said yes, her adolescent daughter was standing next to her and they said they remembered the old woman because she once gave their daughter a dollar when she was just a baby.

as we left gigi to go check out, she told me there was no telling how much money she'd given away but it made her feel good so she kept doing it. she said she was a "jesus lady" and that's what she liked to do. some people take singles to the strip clubs....gigi takes them to wal-mart. wonder what the teller at the bank thinks when she asks for all those singles?

update

school is finally out! this is our first full week out, even though i have to go to work on friday...bluh. however, drew and i have been enjoying our time at home. i love not having to wake him up at 6:30 every morning. we get up around 8:00, eat breakfast, drew gets a bath and then we go for a run. he is loving getting to play on the playground at school when we finish...it's too sweet.
i got a new jogging stroller since his other one just wasn't standing up to a near daily run. the new one has a place for my ipod, so i can plug it in and the stroller has speakers that play the music.
jeanne ran with me today and commented on my eclectic taste in music....one minute disney, the next ac/dc.
it's a hard run pushing 55 lbs, especially uphill. it's the only way i'll get to run though, and it's great for my arms -- you wouldn't believe how much arm strength it takes to push.
we hit the pool yesterday and i'm thinking about it again today when drew wakes up. he's been taking a nice nap when we get home from our run and playground jaunt. i can actually sit down and eat without someone pulling at my legs wanting a "bite-bite". i've been neglecting household duties though.....it's just too nice outside when he's asleep for me to sit in the house and do laundry and clean. i can do that when he gets up or tim gets home. i'm learning not to feeling guilty about that, (as i get ready to go get clothes to hang out).
hopefully i'll update more since we're out of school.....:)

long time gone

it's been a while....i've been putting off blogging until i could get pictures of the half marathon in nashville. i can't get them copied so i'll just have to put the link in. if you can't see any pictures when you get to the site, you'll have to type in my last name or my bib number to see the pictures of marie and i. my bib number was 25163.
i look like i am ticked in every picture (while marie smiles, lol) but i did enjoy myself....i just think a lot while i run and have to concentrate on blocking out all the people.

direct link: http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event.asp?EVENTID=45789&BIB=25163&LNSEARCH=1

if you can't view with the first: http://www.asiorders.com/view_event.asp?EVENTID=45789

i think i had a better time the day after when i could kind of take in the enormity of what we'd just done. i guess if you've never done it, it's hard to describe just how hard it can be. we ran in 86 degree weather on more hills than i've ever done before. it was a constant zigzag. there were several bands, lots of spectators - many who handed out much needed food/snacks, water, etc. there were so many people it was unreal. i did really well with the crowd until after the race. they were herding everyone out of one little corral about 10 feet wide. that doesn't sound too bad unless there are 32,000 people coming out of that one corral. i started seeing black and feeling like i was going to punch someone. i know, not nice...the chick with the bull horn yelling at us to keep moving was about to get my sweaty fist planted in her little stomach...lol.
we made it out, though and i owe tyler and marie a big thanks for searching high and low for where tim was parked with me. just when i thought i couldn't take another step, we spotted him. i was grimy, hungry, hot and by that point, crying. drew was absolutely covered in horrible welts so we headed home that day. i did want to see a few of the sites while we were there but i guess it wasn't meant to be that weekend. thank goodness drew finally cleared up as the week went on. the best we could tell, he seems to be allergic to tide detergent. never again will we be using that one!

drew had so much fun in the motel. i sprayed everything down with lysol when we got there because i knew he'd touch everything. and what did i forget? a towel!

tim always looks like he has smoke in his eyes....if they're open at all.

we tried....

this was sunday after we had to take drew to the urgent treatment center. when he woke up, the rash was much worse. his eyes and the bridge of his nose were so swelled. he looks much better here after a dose of benadryl and prednisone. he had welts on his feet and couldn't even walk....so pitiful.

easter pictures

EASTER

waylon was checking to see if there was anything for him.

what?!?

gigi helping drew find eggs.

papaw hides easter eggs under his toboggan.

drew and aunt rue

a quick nap on the way home