Monday, April 11, 2011

absence makes the heart grow fonder

i haven't posted anything in a year. i had again forgotten my username and password to login. i forgot how much i loved keeping a blog. when i found my blog tonight and reread some of my posts from last year, i was sad because i have let a year go by without blogging. i think i've realized how important it is for me as therapy to write, as well as keeping a log to show drew when he grows up. not that he'll want to read any of it. my papaw has always kept little notebooks with things he jots down and thoughts he has...i'll admit, i've snuck and read them a few times. i did feel bad after because i felt like i'd invaded some private sector...i'm a little more open than that, maybe because of the generation gaps and the way society tends to air ALL their dirty laundry these days. i have been so wrapped up in working on national boards this year i've had very little time for anything else. until you do it yourself, you have no idea the time, stress and worry it entails. i've kind of blocked it from my mind at this point though since i turned the portfolio i just have to wait to test in june. on a lighter note, we are going on our first vacation in over five years this summer. i don't know if i'm more excited because we are going or because i know all the fun drew will have. can't wait! i've learned a lot this year and some of the lessons haven't been ones i was expecting. i'm sure some of those things will come out in future posts...some you may or may not want to read, lol. i think need some form of therapy to get all the things in my head out or else i'm going to again find myself in a place that i don't want to be. though many of the lessons i've learned this past year have been hard and heartbreaking, i've also learned ones that have been uplifting and encouraging. i think i've griped a lot in the past year, and though i'll attribute some of that to the hollon genes, a lot of it has been habit and choice. it's much easier to b*tch about things than to let them go for me and i'm getting to a point where i'm really fed up with that part of myself. i've always been a worrywart and when i worry, i take it out on others....that's not fair and i don't want to be that person. (i will qualify that with the fact that i also believe you need to speak your mind sometimes....sometimes opinions stink, but they also need to be stated for our own sense of right or wrong.) "who never doubted, never half believed. where doubt is, there truth is -- it is her shadow." --ambrose bierce

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