Tuesday, January 27, 2009

♥ news ♥

mamaw ended up going to the doctor yesterday for her MRI because they were worried the weather would be too bad today....it was a good thing because they actually closed the office today due to ice. dr. horn (her oncologist, who just happens to be her homeboy, ha!) called this morning to let her know the spot was so small he could not positively identify it as cancer. given her history with the two cancers however, he did think this is most likely the case.

her next step now is to return to his office on monday and have a biopsy by needle aspiration. if they are not able to get the biopsy that way, they will have to make an incision and do it surgically. this isn't great news because we know the cancer is more than likely back, but it is much better news than we thought it would be. it's always so touch and go and the waiting game is torture. i talked to mam and pap both this morning and they are in good spirits considering all they have on their minds. so now, we wait.

But if we hope for what is still unseen by us, we wait for it with patience and composure. Romans 8: 25

Monday, January 26, 2009

juicy baby, salty tears

so jennifer keeps using the word "juicy" lately. this is hilarious when we are running and she yells it out at me just as i feel i'm having a heart attack....always good for a laugh, especially when i need one, thanks jenn. ;)

i hope everyone is enjoying their snow day. to tell the truth, i was unhappy when i got my text this morning. i really, really wanted to go and get another day in. yes, it's nice to sleep in but man this is gonna stink in may. rest and enjoy, i suppose...

i think i amy have needed the snow day, even though i really didn't want another. we've had a very difficult weekend and it's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. drew had my phone on the way home friday and had thrown it somewhere in the car. i did not find it until saturday afternoon when we were getting ready to go home to see my family. when i dug the phone out from under drew's carseat, i had 6 missed calls and 3 voicemails. i immediately knew something was wrong because no one ever calls me. mom had called five times and mamaw once. when i check my messages mom just leaves a short diddy saying i need to call her, she has something she needs to tell me. next, i get one from mamaw telling me she's okay, despite what anyone else had called to tell me. you know that sinking feeling you get in your stomach? the one where you know the bottom is getting ready to drop out and there's not a damn thing you can do about it? yep, that's pretty much the feeling i got.

i called mom back and she first asked where i was...when i told her we were headed home, she sounded relieved that i wasn't there yet. she then told me what i had a premonition of....mamaw had gone for her latest PET scan and it had not come back good. there is a bright spot showing up on the scan on her back. they don't know anything but that at the moment but it's terrifying. i know she's terrified even though she would never say it. luckily i was able to think about things and get myself together before we got home. i feel like i'm becoming an old pro at hearing this news and being able to get myself together enough to make mam believe i'm not too upset. most of you know how much she means to me so you know it isn't easy for me to keep myself happy and positive when we're looking down this road once again. i think i'm more worried about the location of the spot than anything. as those of you at waco know, the first thing that came to my mind was mrs. duerson at silvercreek....a spot near or on the spine. since mam has had both breast cancer and hodgkin's lymphoma, it's really worrisome either way. many times breast cancer comes back in the bone and lymphoma often comes back in/near the diaphram. if the lymphoma passes over one side of the body to the other, it becomes more advanced.

my best friend sarah had just posted something on her facebook page that struck me...she had posted that she was "trying hard not to lose her faith in what is right and good." oddly enough, she had posted it on the day mam had gone to the doctor. i've always believed in fate, and maybe this is God's way of sending me a sign to keep my faith and just give it to him. as i told sarah though, i'm angry this time. when does this end? will this eventually take her from us or is there some purpose and reason God keeps putting this burden on her? seriously, 3 times in under 4 years??? haven't we learned what we're supposed to from these illnesses? maybe she keeps getting it because she's the only one strong enough to handle it. but isn't that just the way it goes for a lot of us.....you can handle it so we'll just keep giving it to you.

i am trying very hard to not lose sight and faith in what is right and good. i suppose this could be more devastating if it were my baby that had this horrible disease. i try very hard to look for something to be thankful for with these bouts with cancer....it makes me feel guilty though to say i'm glad it isn't drew that is sick because i would never wish mam to be sick either. i suppose that's what i'm thankful for though, that it isn't drew that is sick. i feel like that's a really sucky thing to be thankful for....

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1

Friday, January 23, 2009

(((((((((((((((((( f r i d a y ))))))))))))))))))))

it was a gorgeous day today, great for running. we did 4 miles today and with the weather being so nice it made it much easier. this will be a short one, just a few things i'm thankful for.

>warmer weather
>the fact that i only had bus duty 3 days this week
>good friends to work with
>y-ties.....my kids will not keep their shoes tied
>a husband who cares enough to notice i left my wedding rings at home today and called 3 minutes after i left home to see why....(my hands were dry so i took them off last night to put lotion on - my hands were swelled this morning and my band wouldn't go on. hey, i was in a hurry!)
>a happy, healthy baby (see pictures above...lol)
>a site called stumbleupon....it can keep me occupied for a while
>i finally found a way to send josh videos of drew
>it's friday!

also, thanks to brittany, i've finally found a fantastic website with blogger backgrounds. It is sssoooo much easier than the old way i've been doing it and these templates are so pretty. i've changed mine a few times already because i keep coming across ones i like more than the last. i've settled on a valentine's theme for now....it will have to change soon enough.
check out the site....angie, i know you'll love it!

Monday, January 19, 2009

back to the grind tomorrow

vacation's over, we're back to work tomorrow. when i was thinking about it, i couldn't help but be just a little excited, though. we've been stuck in the house for about 5 days now and i've been a little stir crazy.
drew and i took a drive today but thursday and friday it was just too cold to take him out, even if we weren't getting out of the car. what if we got a flat tire and then had to sit in the cold??? too much worrying, i know.
today was a tough one. drew has had a major temper today and i've had about enough of the screaming, dog chasing, dogs chasing the poor cat and drew getting in the cabinets (and yes, these are the ones that have locks on them, i don't know how he does it!). i'm sure by tomorrow at noon i'll be wishing i was home again. i love staying with him but when he gets in a mood, watch out. he's wanted me to hold him all day...probably because he's got a runny nose and just doesn't feel great. however, i haven't felt much better today and i'm exhausted from all the up and down, playing in the floor, then having to run and get ruby out of something. on top of all that, i haven't gotten to run since last wednesday. it was too cold thursday and friday and i've just been lazy over the weekend. i feel guilty with the treadmill here but when i get a chance and drew takes a nap, i've always got something else that i need to do....laundry, clean the kitchen, etc. etc.
i really have enjoyed my impromptu break though i wish it hadn't accummulated us two snow days. we've got a pool to put to use this summer and i don't want the summer days to be cut into! :) i'm ready for the snow and cold to be over, too. i don't like it in the first place and i'm especially tired of it after the last week. on a brighter note, i have duty this week and it's only a four day week. i don't think i've had a 4 day week of bus duty in several years, so hooray!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

snow day #2

jeanne has said all week we would have a snow day thursday....her reasoning was that she had a dentist appt this morning and would have to get up and get ready anyway, so that's the day we would get one of our few days off. unfortunately jeanne wasn't the only one that had to get up and get ready....i was halfway to work getting ready to drop drew off before i got a call saying school was closed. i was not a happy camper. i mean come on, some of us live a little farther out and have to leave earlier to drive to work. not everyone can leave the house at 7:00 and still make it! i wouldn't really have minded had it just been me, but i hate having to wake him up for nothing. drew and i usually leave around 6:20-6:30 and i expected if we weren't having school, it would already be closed....not so much. i hope the poor babies that ride buses weren't out waiting, too. it was too stinking cold!
though i'm complaining about having to get out anyway, i am thankful i can spend the day at home with drew and that many of us get a much needed day of rest. tim's mom and dad got him a subscription to netflix for the rest of the winter months and i've got a movie with my name on it downstairs. i've been waiting forever to see it so i'm hoping i can watch it between drew's nap and washing clothes.
drew is thoroughly enjoying his day home....he's become obsessed with the broom and is really getting ticked when he tries to go through a dorrway and can't fit through because he has the broom turned the wrong way. i know it's horrible of me, but i can't help but laugh when he screams about it. i do have to teach him problem solving skills, right? besides, i'll get my payback because at the moment he's under the kitchen table.....we all know what that means--diaper duty.
ruby and waylon are loving us being home, too. i think they're very excited they don't have to stay in the garage all day. the best part about the snow day.......tomorrow's friday. :)
having a meltdown because the broom is stuck between the highchair and table....

so much snow i can't get out the front door.

RUBY trying to look innocent
WAYLON, who really is innocent
again with the sweeping....he's been at it almost an hour.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


okay, i'm beginning to get a little ticked that no one else is blogging lately. have you all forgotten that i am a voyeur and need insight into your lives? (even though i see most of you daily.) i need my fix!

tommy, i'm so glad you are posting. i especially loved the cinnamon challenge. that was the best i've seen in a while. it makes it so much more fun to watch someone on youtube when you actually know them. kudos to you.

jennifer, school has not started yet. you do not have the excuse of having to do work for methods right now. FOCUS, please. it's not like you don't have time to blog while you are at work, work or work. or cooking supper for your family. haven't you taught those kids to cook for you yet?

angie, you get a bye for now. :) i'm being nice. you better enjoy it, it won't last long. well, i take that back, you don't get on my nerves so i can continue to be nice to you...i even bought you graham crackers tonight. i'm really trying to stoke my maternal side and nurse you back to good health.

SAS. what can i say....? i have heard nothing about stad in over a week. not even a good traveling story. i'm going through smith withdrawals. (though i really enjoyed the facebook picture of you all on the way to check out the lights at christmas. stad's face was priceless. that would definitely go on gig's wall of shame.)

okay, i've blown off some steam. wait, one more -- rue, you need to blog. period. keep me updated on wedding stuff. and, as always, i would enjoy more DUI photos.